Idiot of the Year Awards

 Idiot # 1

 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
 poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because
 she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
 that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
 daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
 conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
 ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she
 better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

 Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
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 Idiot # 2

 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided
 to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
 getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on
 the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised
 them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
 locator beacon which activated when the raft was inflated.  They are
 no longer employed at Boeing.

 Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run.
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 Idiot # 3

 A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
 Bank America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put
 all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
 his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
 write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller
 window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells
 Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
 Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
 errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him
 that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
 Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out
 a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go to the Bank of America. Looking
 somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.   He was arrested a few
 minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

 Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
 anyway.
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 Idiot # 4

 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
 measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
 received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
 of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
 days later, he  received a letter from the police that contained
 another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his
 $40.

 Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
about!)
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 Idiot # 5

 Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
 the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
 bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the
 counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
 well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over
 21."  The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
 to him because he didn't believe him.

 At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
 and gave it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it over, and agreed that
 the man was in fact over 21 and he put  the scotch in the bag. The
 robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
 called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
 got off the license.  They arrested the robber two hours later.

 (Remind me to have more signs printed up) Give this guy his!
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 Idiot # 6

 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
 revolvers.
 The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When his partner moved, the
 startled first bandit shot him.

 (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.)
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 Idiot # 7

 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
 that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
 grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
 over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
 would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
 store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
 videotape.

 (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
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 Idiot # 8

 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
 into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a gun
 and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
 couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
 ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
 breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

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